Q:How do you deal with a transphobic friend? I've told my friend that I was nonbinary a while back, (they didn't take it seriously, saying "but you have genitals, you know" and I recently just found out they are actually transphobic. I've been thinking about not talking to them because I don't like to associate with people like that, too bad everyone around me is like that.
If you want to remain friends with them, you can always say something along the lines of this: “I came out to you as nonbinary a while ago because it was important for me to let you know my identity, and who I am as a person. When you said “you have genitals” to me, it really hurt, and learning that you’re disrespectful to other people like me also made me feel bad. I really would like to stay friends with you, but if you don’t stop disrespecting me and people like me, I am uncomfortable being around you.”
You can really say whatever you want, but I personally recommend stating why you came out to them and why it’s important, what they’re doing that hurts you, what they can do to stop hurting you, and that you don’t want to be around you if they continue to hurt you. Be honest and up front with them—if you still feel uncomfortable around them because of their behavior, they need to know that. If they’re truly your friend, they’ll listen to you, take you seriously, and work to change for the better.
Of course, it’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to continue your friendship with this person. You get to choose your friends, and if you’re not having a good time with a person anymore, it’s OK to leave them for people who can actually support you. It’s also up to you to decide whether or not it’s worth taking the time to educate them on being less transphobic.
Q:only you get to define you own gender! :)
Q:I wish that shit like this wouldn't happen within the community, but thanks for standing up for us, it means a lot. -a very disheartened nb person (who uses "they/them" almost exclusivly)
Unfortunately, the trans community is pretty splintered on certain issues. We need to have a more unified front if we want to get anything done. I hope you feel better soon, anon!
Q:yo singular "they" has been part of English literally since Chaucer, just like "you" was originally plural only and is now both singular and plural. Nobody thought it was ungrammatical until the 19th century or something. People who tear their shirts about how ungrammatical it is not only have their priorities fucked, but also don't have a clue what they're talking about.
Language is something that evolves and changes over time, and there’s always going to be someone who takes issue with it, even if their argument makes no sense (as in that anon’s case). I’m of the opinion that if someone’s happiest and most comfortable being called a certain way, we should always call them by the name/pronouns they say to use. It isn’t difficult and it makes someone feel comfortable, so what’s the big deal?
Q:Come on now, just google search "singular they." There's even a wikipedia article on the usage of it, legitimacy of the usage, and the evolution of it. That anon might just be a troll, anyone can find dozens of results supporting the usage of "singular they." It's not even an objection of grammar at that point, if you're that adamant against it's usage, you obviously have an issue with nonbinary people rather than with "speaking correct English." Don't mask your bigotry, anon.
Q:Hey, wanted to chime in against this supposed trans person who finds it okay to disparage other trans people for not being the same as them. Their [oops just grammatically used they correctly as a single pronoun look at that] claim that pronouns other than he/she will hurt the community is frankly BS. Disparaging others for their pronouns/misgendering them only makes cis people think this is an okay thing to do (newsflash its not) ALL gender identities & pronouns are valid.
I absolutely agree with you! All trans people deserve to have their pronouns respected, no matter what, and by respecting each other we can build a better community.
Q:So does it still make me agender if I'm semi ok with having breasts and a vagina as well as letting my parents still call me their daughter? I feel like it doesn't since I'm semi ok with my body. I have dysphoria sometimes
Of course! Your gender identity is not defined by how you feel about parts of your body, or how you feel about what other people call you. There are tons of nonbinary/agender people who use binary pronouns (like he/him or she/hers) for convenience or because they’re comfortable with them, and it doesn’t make their gender identity more or less legitimate.
Q:Les love boat binders are better for smaller chested folk and underworks is Better for larger chested! Just a tip.
Q:I work behind a checkout and despite (usually) presenting as male at work, I rarely get clocked as such. I've been thinking (for that reason & for day-to-day reasons) of wearing a badge or pin that has my pronouns on it or... or something. Just a quick simple visual to point to whenever someone says "Ma'am". Do you know anywhere that might sell badges like that? Any suggestions for what, exactly the badge should say?
A friend of mine actually made some very cool pronoun buttons, which I think are really straight to the point and effective for that reason. (They came in different styles to reflect masculine/feminine gender presentations, too!) Here’s mine for an example:
Having the pronouns you use is typically enough, in my experience. You can also add “sir” or “Mr.” so people don’t call you ma’am. I’d also recommend using one that’s easy to read, for folks with vision or reading impairments (such as dyslexia). Alternatively, a male symbol (♂) can also communicate to cis people to use “he/him.”
Etsy has a lot of different designs that aren’t just buttons, though they might be a little more expensive. Buttons are relatively simple to make if you have access to a button-making machine, too (schools and businesses may have them, or crafty friends).
Q:Does it matter that I'm agender but want to keep my birth name of Hannah? I really love it even though it'd feminine.
it doesn’t matter really. use whatever name you like! if anyone tries to tell you you can’t have that name, they’re butts. it’s your name.