Q:I was born a female and I identify as female, but I like to dress like a boy sometimes, or like a girl, and sometimes I dress like both. I have been identifying as queer because I am confused about the whole "pan-sexuality vs. Bisexuality" debate. I kind of don't want to be a boy or a girl, but at the same time I am still in the closet about everything. I am really confused and stressed out.
I can’t tell you whether or not you’re trans—that’s up to you alone! I know that stress and confusion to some extent, and what helped me was reading about the experiences of other trans people, primarily DAFAB ones because I’m also DAFAB. That research helped me come to a conclusion and was tremendously helpful, though it’s important to remember that every trans person has their own unique experience.
You’re allowed to explore and experiment with your gender, gender presentation, and sexuality, as well as the labels you choose (or don’t choose) to attach to it, even if you’re still in the closet. You might consider setting up a separate blog (if you aren’t out on your main one) and see what it’s like when people refer to you with different pronouns, names, etc. See what you’re most comfortable with and remember that it’s always OK to change, since you change too as you develop as a person!
Q:Hey, I'm a trans guy and I need some advice. I've gotten to the point where I pass so well that I sometimes scare the girls in the women's restroom (not on purpose of course). I guess I should be happy that I pass, but I'm getting to be really uncomfortable in the women's restroom. I don't like panicking about possibly getting kicked out and it upsets me, but I'm not comfortable enough to go into the guys restroom yet. Is there anything I can do to make public restrooms less of a nightmare?
The most obvious solution is to seek out gender-neutral, family, or single-stall bathrooms. They can be difficult to find, and sometimes you’ll have to go out of your way to get to them, but it would help you avoid that uncomfortable position. There are also bathrooms that are less-frequented, usually on the second floors of buildings or higher.
For what it’s worth, as someone who was in the exact same situation, more often than not the folks who are in the men’s room really don’t care/look too closely. Nobody talks to each other in the men’s room either, at least never to strangers except to say “excuse me” or something, and in most places men talking to each other while they’re in the bathroom is seen as “weird.” (Speaking from personal experience: Once me and two other trans guys came out of the men’s room together talking to each other and we got some VERY strange looks from the presumably cis girls in the hallway.)
Just walking in confidently with the mindset that this IS the bathroom you use helps a lot. You can also have a friend who’s comfortable taking a look inside scout out the bathroom and see how frequented it is, whether it actually has a stall, whether the stall has a locking door (bars are notorious for not having doors on their stalls), etc. You can also have that person come in with you in case something does happen. That may help your discomfort a lot, at least.
But as always, put your safety first. Use your judgment and watch for signs that a bathroom isn’t going to be safe, like if there are drunks around or people making queerphobic or otherwise bigoted remarks.
Q:are nsfw comics okay
That depends entirely on the purpose of any NSFW aspects. Comics that are obviously meant to be pornographic won’t be accepted, but if any NSFW parts of the comic have another purpose, that’s fine. And yeah, that’s an unfortunately hard-to-define line, since it’s based on our interpretation. If you want to be safe, you can explain certain aspects of the comic in the text box so we know for-sure what’s meant to be going on.
Comics with nudity will be tagged as “nsfw” for those who don’t want to see it.
Q:Not sure if you guys saw my reblog on the latest ask, I feel like it would help the anon a lot
Q:I just recently got an underworks binder. I was wondering if anyone else experienced an issue with the material rubbing their knuckles while trying to get binders on/off? In just the two times I've used it it's rubbed my knuckles raw :(. Any advice to avoid this in the future? (wearing gloves makes it too hard to hold on to the binder to pull it on...I tried that lol)
what i do is i put it over my head like a shirt, but i put my arms through the holes first and pull it down over my head, then adjust as needed, and to pull it off i just pull it from the bottom until it’s over my head. you might have a different binder than i do as well, so i’m not sure how to help beyond that. i have the kind that kind of looks like a tank top, so it has the stretchy material on the outside that’s not part of the actual binding material. can anyone else help this anon?
Q:I'm the anon that was desperate for a name, and I think I might have found one, so thanks for all the help
I’m glad to hear that, anon!
Q:1/1 I am an openly transgender leader of a student organization at my university. It's early in the year, so we've got new freshmen and transfers who've joined our group. Every time another new face shows up at meetings, I make it a point to have everyone introduce themselves with at least their own name and gender pronouns. Every time this one new member, an obviously cisgender freshman, introduces himself, he says to use "whatever pronouns, I don't care" and it bothers me and a couple others
2/2. quite a bit. I’ve been meaning to sit down and talk with him about why using correct pronouns are important and that what he’s saying is missing this goal and making it all seem trivial for the rest of the group. I’m having a difficult time forming the words to adequately explain it, though. Would you help me explain the problem? Thanks a lot!!!
Agh, this sort of thing bothers me as well. That said, I think what you’ve said to me here-that it makes that part of the introductions trivial—is perfectly fine. You can also explain that for many folks, being called the wrong pronoun can bring up intense feelings of dysphoria or make them upset, and that the organization is meant to be a safe place for those people, so the pronoun introduction is very important. By trivializing pronouns like he’s doing, he’s subsequently trivializing calling people by the correct pronouns.
I’d also experiment a little in seeing how he reacts when you call him “she” (after the introductions are all finished); if he does end up caring, perhaps he’ll be more mindful during introductions. Or if he doesn’t, perhaps he isn’t quite as cisgender as you thought.
Q:okay so when my friend came out as a boy i sometimes would use her/she pronouns by mistake and wouldn't realize but then as weeks when on if i used the wrong pronouns i would correct myself right away but now my friends angry at me bc sometime i say she/her and he's not talking to me bc i'm disrespecting him and don't care about him apparently and he was texting me how his new friends dont even make mistakes like what do i do? ://
Just continue to get in the habit of using your friend’s correct pronouns. Practice if you have to. Remember that ultimately the one hurt the most by incorrect pronouns is your friend; if he’s feeling hurt by being around you when you use the wrong pronouns, it’s pretty reasonable that he wouldn’t want to be around.
I’m not sure how you reacted whenever your other friends corrected you, but if you were defensive, that’s not a good way to react. Own up to any mistakes you make and actually work to correct them, and don’t make excuses (such as “but I knew him before” or “it’s so hard to get used to” or laughing it off and acting like it’s not a big deal).
The vast majority of trans people realize that it’s difficult to get used to using new pronouns for people, and will forgive the periodic mistake if it’s corrected, even though it can be hurtful. Since your friend decided to stop being in contact with you after several weeks, it probably means that he perceives you as not trying enough to respect him. Apologize, remember that it’s not about you, prove that you DO respect him and want to be his friend, and make a genuine effort.
Q:I wanna thank you for signal boosting my comic- I know that's what this blog does but I'm reading every comment and tag rebloggers add, and I'm reaching so many people with an issue NO one talks about. No one talks about fat trans people, or the unique issues we face with our weight, our dysphoria an navigating this journey. Just seeing people say 'wow I can't believe someone finally articulated this) means so much to me cuz it means it exists for many, but it isn't talked about. Thank you!
No problem, it was a great comic that I think a lot of people can relate to. You’re right, fat trans folks aren’t paid attention to as often and face a variety of different issues than thin trans folks, and these issues should be brought to light. I hope to see more work from you!
This something I have dealt with daily from the beginning of realising my gender identity.
There aren’t many fat trans folk that I see often, but I’ll tell you one thing. It’s great for androgyny in some cases. But it makes binding impossible. It makes round things rounder. And the entire mass of body dysphoria and gender identity disorder creates a serious case of Depersonalisation.
I often feel my body like its encased in a weird suit of gooey stuff, and if I could just slice it off, I might find myself. I never get to doing it, but I can’t stop fantasising about it. But I know it can’t in reality fix my problem.